wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
