i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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