I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
