I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
