Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
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i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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