If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
