I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
