I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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