About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
