Michael Bay diarrhea
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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