Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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