I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
