i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Randomize
