Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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