Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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