well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
