I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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