Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
