Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
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After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
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we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
this is an emotional support booty call
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