My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
