I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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