i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
