shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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