dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
