I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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