i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
