batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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