The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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