New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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