Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
