I didn't shave. On purpose
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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