put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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