I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She needs sedatives and a leash
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
