hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
