Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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