Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
