you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
