I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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