I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
