"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
