i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
