I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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