i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
