I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
