I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
