I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
