Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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