fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
