y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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