I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave