Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch