mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.