stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating