Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.