my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately