Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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