That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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