I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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