I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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