sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
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But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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