There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize